21. The poisoned stick of patriarchy

21. The poisoned stick of patriarchy 





Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode. If you're new here, welcome, and if you're not, thank you for coming back. And thank you everyone for sharing your valuable time with me, I appreciate. Today, I'm bringing you another metaphor. Because why not?




If you remember our first episode, already six months ago, and it's also one of the things I say all the time, like a broken record, on this podcast "you're not broken. The game is twisted." As if the system is convincing you, you have a broken leg and is graciously giving you a stick to help you walk. That's twisted. That's messy. And that's where we are going to talk about. 


01:20 part 1

01:20 never enough 


You may be already very familiar with how, as women, gender nonconforming people or people belonging to different types of minorities, we are never enough. We need to lose weight, to get some muscles, to be more sexually proactive, but "not too much, you slut". We're supposed to put everyone else's needs before our own, but still be nice and polite and happy. We're supposed to be successful at our jobs, but also being great moms. The mental weight of everything. Argh 


Even if our society is making progress, we still have a long way to go. Like, there is always something wrong with us. We can never be enough. And what I realized the other day was how actually these injunctions are constantly shaking our base.. Convincing us there is always something wrong with us, that we need help to stand up on our own, fragile beings that we are. As if one of our legs was broken or too weak to hold us. And also can we laugh for a second, how women are expected to lose weight, basically half of the year, and now we have one weaker leg. Like with less muscle . It's interesting. 


02:46 cut pleasure and sexual nature 


So, how is it done? Easy...Cut women from their pleasure. With pleasure being our true nature with an organ dedicated to it, of course we would limp. If we are disconnected from our true nature, of course, we will be wobbly. 


And how do you do that? You actually shame pleasure: don't enjoy your sex life too much, you slut. You deny pleasure: don't you dare get mad at your partner when he falls asleep after his climax, you're so needy. Or you over-complicate pleasure: feminine pleasure is so elusive and it takes forever to be aroused, and women are hard to satisfy, or whatever bullshit. Or you try to control the pleasure like :solo play is cheating, or you should only have sex in partnership. 


But.. Also, control it, shame it, overcomplicate it, but not too much, we still need sex for babies, to avoid human extinction... just saying. But we're basically walking around with our true nature denied, shamed or controlled. Of course we limp. And we also walk around with this empty feeling inside. With this craving, we cannot satisfiy. For a long time, even decades.... And if that's you don't worry. You're not broken. Your pleasure is still waiting for you. I promise. 


Oh, and do you want to do it even better? Deny women their sexual nature too. You know, the living beings that are actually able to grow babies inside themselves with sexual energy, literally creating life. Well, of course, what they're connected to is wrong and should be suppressed and controlled. With this disconnection from our life force energy, of course, we're going around feeling empty and limping. And it goes on, and on, and on, and on... your emotions are a problem. Your pleasure is a problem. Your sex life is a problem. Your body is a problem. Basically every part of who you are, and/or every part of your leg, is a problem. It's actually a miracle we're still able to walk around, if you ask me. 


05:12 fix yourself 


Oh, also by the way, you know what would be even better? Tell these women, and people, they can easily fix themselves. They could buy new shoes, change their socks. "Come on it's on you to finally learn how to be stable while you are walking. It's not that complicated." And also "Come on... you have all these informations available on the internet, it's really on you if you continue to feel bad." Well, as you may have heard, I love playing with the voices around us that have an opinion about what's good for us, and what's not. Usually coming from people with other genitalia, just saying... 


But that being said, can we talk for a second, about how crazy that is? Of course we're not comfortable walking around feeling we have one weak or broken leg. This is painful. We would actually do a lot of things, we would actually pay a lot of money on programs and things to buy into change. And that's why the weight loss industry is worth billions of dollars or Euro, I guess. 


But we get some "let me lend you graciously something that will be amazing and solve all of your problem. A beautiful stick designed just for you. You see, it's going to be great to help you walk around with ease since you are so unstable. I'm sure you're going to love it." Can you tell from my voice how I feel about this? Let's talk about the poison stick, of patriarchy 





07:00 part 2 


07:00 types of sticks (size, color, type)

Now that we have talked about how we can be convinced that there is something wrong with us and we only have one working leg and the other is weak, and/or broken, .Let's talk about how we actually can cope with this. Because you know, it's always better to learn how to cope with something instead of treating it if you can... you know, just checking if one leg is actually really weaker than the other. " Hey! You know you have one weak leg. Let me help you take that stick. It will help you walk with more ease". Haha... 


Well, first of all, there are many sticks. Sticks or canes or whatever.... many shapes, many colors, depending on also the stage of your life, where you come from, et cetera. It would actually make no sense to give a big thick piece of wood to a little girl, whereas something colorful, shiny, and really nice... you know, just the right size so that she can trust the stick really early in her life, is way more efficient. That's basically sexist early socialization: complimenting little girls on how beautiful they'll look, how pretty their hair is... and not doing that with little boys, complimenting them about the superheroes on their a t-shirt or whatever. The sooner you give a girl a poison stick, the better. Just so that she can learn to walk with three legs, as soon as possible. So she integrates from very young age, there is something wrong with her. And you'll get a nice little girl who's willing to follow the rules. 


Whereas the older you get, the more sophisticated the stick will get because after a life walking with three legs... well, the supporting leg will not be as strong as the other one. And you would definitely need more support. We can also play the types of colors depending on your social situation. For example... if you face more sexism at work, you will get a thicker stick " just to help you, you know, navigate all of this because you seem to struggle so much". Whereas if your environment at home is less sexist, if that's the case, you might have a thinner stick. You'd still have one because patriarchy is still ingrained in all of us, and we still have blind spots, but it might not be as thick as the one you might have in the corporate world or the one you might see in the media. We're basically given all of these beautiful sticks that we have around and can choose from time to time... yay. 


09:56 your stick is wrong 


Let's also not forget one thing... we all have our specificities, so no stick looks the same. I may have a pink one. Because why not? My friend might have a thicker blue one, for example. And you want to know the funniest part? We can actually convince ourselves there is something wrong with our special stick. 


That. If the stick we have doesn't look good, that's on us. Or whatever. So hey, let's focus on the cosmetic of the sticks. And think the cosmetic is the problem, so we are the problem, instead of seeing that we shouldn't have a stick in the first place. And also let's take a second dose of putting on us the responsibility of why we feel bad: first because we couldn't fix our broken leg by changing the shoe, the socks, or doing more physical activity. And second, because if the sick is uncomfortable, it's because it looks in a certain way. Or because it has a specificity for you that is wrong. 


So it can become our fault, if the cane is flawed, we haven't chosen the good color or the good shape, or, you know, we should make an effort to paint it like this person's. Any correlation with societal norms about what's going on with your stick, in your panties, or in your life choice is totally made on purpose. 


11:26 glitter stick 


We can actually go further. Around us, there is this perfect image of a beautiful glittery cane. The ads in the magazine, the actors, all of these people in representation seems to have an amazing glittery, or glitter I don't know, an amazing glitter color that you cannot achieve on your own. Good luck trying harder with your standard colors to get glitter. 


You can get a glitter stick, if you can actually spend your day practicing a physical activity. Or when you have a personal stylist or people adjusting your clothing for you or whatever... but let's face it, for all of us having more standard daily life, with standard colors, we can spend our whole lives, trying to make our stick glitter. And we can't do that. We are constantly sold a lie where glitter stick is supposed to be amazing. And it's what we are supposed to look for or what we should be looking for. And we can actually spend all of our energy in trying to get that, even if we cannot have it in the first place. 


And, you know, what's worse about the glitter stick. It looks amazing. And also effortless, because it shines on almost every outfit, not sure with pyjamas, though... But, you see what I mean... So basically, if we don't have something that goes with everything and makes us feeling amazing, we're not trying hard enough to get that glitter cane. And somehow... "This is so easy, you should make an effort... She has it, so you can have it too." Because it looks amazing and effortless. It looks like it's normal. But let's not forget one thing: no stick can stay full of glitter all the time. 


We're going to get into a childhood memory. So a long time ago, I had an amazing purple glittery "My Little Pony" horse. Or "My Little Pony" pony, I don't know. I think it was the first or second generation. Maybe the second, I actually needed to look that up on the internet. I loved this pony very much, I didn't like the hair though. It was so messy. But to the point, many years later, this horse just became totally transparent with all the glitter in its legs. 


Talk about a nightmare vision: my beautiful glittery pony had become an ugly, transparent thing. So basically, the glitter inside cannot stick forever. Sorry. Even people with perfect glitters sticks or glitter canes... well, they actually need to put glitter on it, that doesn't last forever. So we are basically told all the time we should try to get the glitter, even though cannot have it. Basically chasing a ghost. Great. Any correlation with chasing the ideal shape of a woman is totally not coincidental 


14:52 poison 


So in this metaphor, I like to consider this stick as a poison. First it's definitely a poisoned gift. Because, yes, you get something that helps you soothe the pain of growing up, of building your own muscle. But... because you rely on an external circumstance to actually walk up straight and stand tall, it's helping in the moment, but it actually prevents you from developing your abilities to stand tall, to run, to jump. So basically a poisoned comfort. Especially since you cannot really choose the type of support that feels aligned to you. 


You are more or less given something, somehow. That goes with your age and your constitution. And if this is not aligned, this is on you. Talk about a poison gift. When you get a feeling every day that you cannot walk on your own, that you're weak and you need a crutch to go anywhere. Empowerment. 


But we can also consider the stick itself as being poisoned. As if it would have like a nice soothing voice that say "you know you need me, I can help you, stay with me, you will be safer". And in a sense that can be considered as true. There are less chances you fall flat on your face if you have two legs and a stick or a cane, than one leg and half a leg on high heel. So for our brains, that makes total sense to have three legs. It feels safer. Because it is. So it's not our fault. There is nothing wrong with us. We have a brain that actually works like everyone else's brain, to reach for safety. And that's normal. Well not normal, expected. 


So, yeah... after convincing us we have a problem, one leg being weaker than the other, we're given the poisoned beautiful cane, personalized, or half personalized, in time and space... making us become the problem. Instead of having a stick in the first place being the problem. So poison gift. And if you want to make yourself feel even worse... well, let's keep comparing it to a temporary glitters cane that is supposed to be the norm or what we should look for. Haha... 


If you're enjoying this episode so far, would you do me a favor and actually use this jingle time to click on the star rating and/or leave a review. Just that the platforms can actually think "oh, there's something good there". Thank you very much 



: 17:48

17:48 issues in our bodies

Okay... so now we understand we have, or supposedly, have one weak leg and the amazing stick we got to work with it. But hey... what's the problem after all, isn't having a cane great? 


First, the more we walk with a cane, the more we actually create issues in our bodies. Our back goes forward with one side stronger than the other. One arm becomes stronger and we can get shoulder pain. Or whatever. This is just on the metaphor, to explain that if you're convinced there is something wrong with you, from the patriarchy around or whatever, you going to start to adapt and change your behavior. So you're literally creating problems. Changing your posture. Or changing how you think. So, yeah, walking on your own becomes more and more problematic. 


And also let's not forget... since we're told all the time, there is a problem with the stick we have and that we should change it. Good luck with getting some stability on that. Come on, you can make an effort and try harder to be more stable. 


19:01 (fear) of falling 


Another great consequence? We actually get more and more scared to let the cane go. It's like an elderly with a walker: "oh hey, how about we drop it and just walk freely now?". Hell no, this is so scary. These people are going to fall. 


When your stick has been a reassuring presence for so long, we would all be so scared without it and feel so unstable. I have the vision of Bambi at the moment, like when he tries his first steps. And also if we haven't walked properly for years... well, we're going to fall. That's how it is. And nobody likes falling. So you know, let's keep the stick. And our need for this cane is also constantly reinforced: "you see, you cannot walk properly without it because you fall every time you try to get rid of it". 


19:59 Be grateful

Let's also not forget one thing... this cane is graciously landed to us from a pure place of kindness and genereosity.... After telling us for years and years, there is something wrong with us... I am graciously lending this to you. So you'd better be grateful. And thank me. And be quiet. And do what I say. Or even better, do something to earn it. A stick from someone who convinced us, we have a problem in the first place and that we should actually be grateful to have this stick from them? Hell no, double pain... 


20:40 Everyone around has it 


It's also really hard to believe we don't need a cane when we see everybody around us having one, from young girls to wise women. And when everyone feels it's normal to walk with a weak leg, when you see everyone with a broken leg, how can you be sure the norm is to actually have two fully functioning legs? It's okay to have doubts. Especially when everybody tells you "we've always been like this. Forever." We integrate as women that we are broken. That there is something wrong with us. And when you see everyone around believing in it, it's easy to believe it too. 


Because doing things differently requires courage and requires being fierce. And sometimes, we don't have the energy to be fierce all day. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't want to educate half of the planet, all the time. You can also give grace to yourself. Be kind to yourself. It's okay to have doubts. It's okay to struggle. And you're doing your best. Just you listening to this episode and maybe taking a glimpse or two from this weak leg, poison, stick metaphor is already a great step. 


And on a very basic level... what better way to keep things as they are than convincing people who actually could challenge these things they are broken. And they have a problem. And then they should fix themselves. All the time. With the play that they cannot fix themselves totally because they will never be enough. So we would be the "aie, ouille, aouch" walking revolution. 


All of our energy is already taken In this mess, in those pains, in those twisted posture, playing with this stick remodeling. How can we actually have the energy to really make a change? Especially since we are repeatedly told there is something wrong with us. If you wantedto, like, kill a revolution, right at the beginning, try to convince the people they are the one having a problem. And that it's not the system who's having a problem... just saying... 


So this sexist and patriarchal bullshit around us is definitely detrimental to our own health. And also maintaining us in a position where it's actually hard to do anything. Until we say stop. Until we say,: "you know what? Fuck that. I'm not broken. I might actually have pain until I get my leg fully functional again. But I'm not broken. And neither is she. And neither is she. And neither is him. Or neither are they. I will walk without it, without this poison gift. And sometimes I know I might need it again, but my only job is to walk without it as much as I can so that one day, I don't need it and I can teach other, they don't need it too". 


24:08 Quick recap 


Okay, quick recap, because that episode was kind of dense. First, because of the patriarchal system we live in, many of us are convinced we have one broken, or weak, leg. Because we're never enough. Because there is always something wrong with us. We are always too much. And also because, we are walking around half empty since we are cut from our sexual nature and our pleasure. 


So "Hey! Why don't you use this amazing stick I'm giving you? You know, the one everyone has from age two or even before, to the end of your life". You can actually get several types of stick. And they're really poisoned. Because they soothe us and they maintain us in an uncomfortable position. Talk about leading a revolution when you have everyone suffering. So time to get this glitter stick model or whatever, out of the way. You want me to be thankful you gave me a stick to stand up tall and you tell me that the norm is to look for something I cannot get with what I have. Hell. No. 


Because let's face it. When you walk around with a stick, first you totally mess up with your posture, and your muscles, and everything. So there actually ends up being something going on with you. Because you are in pain and it can be really challenging to let the cane go. Especially, if you feel you're going to fall any minute. 


So, what can we do with that? Well, we go to physiotherapy.. But we acknowledged that we still have one leg. And the second one might be weak or twisted or whatever, but... We can have our muscle back. It's going to hurt. It's going to be challenging. But. Also notice that sometimes when you realigned a knee or an ankle, things will get easier pretty quickly. Like when you reclaim your pleasure and you notice that, oh, a lot of things get better really quickly. We can also take care of our little ones and avoid giving them a stick. Or just warning them these things are going around. And, actually becoming aware we have it. 


And slowly choose to go to physio. Therapy is a great thing to do. And also notice that it's also okay, if sometimes you forget you don't need the stick and you take it back. We can be so caught up in the "I'm not using it and I'm done with it". We can actually make ourselves feel super bad when we realized we got back to it without staying vigilant. 


There are actually so many things we can do. One person at a time. One step at a time. Reclaiming our pleasure. Reclaiming our sexual nature. Educating ourselves, sharing wisdom, sharing our knowledge. There's so much we can do. And it's time for us to do it. So that's what I am doing with this podcast. And I would love to count on you to do that too.