27. A Happy Sexyfied Year

27. A happy Sexyfied Year 


Happy new year. Welcome to: 2024




01:19 Energy 


a very personal level back in: 2018

And on a very broad level. We could go down the rabbit hole of "But overall, what is health?" A part of me, maybe a bitchy one if I'm truly honest, is like "This is just a general wish for people you're not close enough to know what is going on really in their lives". And there is nothing wrong with that. At some point, you need something to tell people you're not really familiar with. But, for the loved ones, I think they deserve a little bit better than something generic. . Or I will be specific like remission, or recovery for your broken foot, et cetera. Maybe this is just me being too sensitive and using way more energy than necessary to split hairs, I don't know. But, health can really be a touchy subject.




So more than health, I wish for people to have the energy they need for their goals. Whether it's career parenting, go to the gym on a regular basis, or anything else... because for some people, health is getting back the lack of sleep you have from the birth of your little one, and actually feel like your brain is functioning again. And for others, health is running a marathon. When you wish people energy for what they want, you're basically championing them in their goal. And it also brings an opportunity to start a conversation about what they are up to, which creates deeper connections. And sometimes we all need that. Sometimes we don't, but it's often a good idea to deepen connections with people. 


04:06Creativity 





My second wish for you is Creativity. I deeply, truly believe we can find true aliveness when we are deep in a creative process. And creating could be like painting or drawing, but it can also be something totally different. Creating could be like cooking a delicious meal. Or having a meaningful and helpful conversation with a friend. Down to the core, I think it's a question of mindfulness. Like being the creator of the instant. But wishing for more mindfulness to people will A) fall flat for many of them like "okay, weirdo, whatever... like I'm not into meditating, I hate setting". And B) it also can feel very broad in a sense. Many of us are following a path of more mindfulness in our lives, whether it's through meditation, and yoga or sexual practices, or a combination of all the wisdom. And yet, so many of us, myself included most of the time, are like " oh shit. That was the opposite of mindfulness there, like I went right back into my head". So it's really interesting to wish people more mindfulness when you can really notice the mindfulness when you're out of it. 


When you wish someone creativity, you wish them to find new solutions, outside-of-the-box thinking, and ideas. Wishing them creativity is wishing them with just one world "You're amazing. You're resourceful. You can do this". This wish is so kind when you think about it. Without being too kind, as in forced kindness. And my opinion, there's no such thing as too kind, but you see what I mean 


So many of us as well have this default thought pattern of "I am not a creative person". And sometimes it's a hundred percent unconscious.. So when you wish people creativity, If they say this out loud, first, it becomes conscious. Then you can also engage in a meaningful conversation. And third, you are reinforcing something they already are. Because we are all creators of our lives, no matter how we feel. And, you know, what's creative energy? Sexual energy. You saw me coming with this one




06:58 Pleasure 


My third wish showed me a huge blind spot of mine. Or as we like to call it in French, the beam in my eye. We have an expression that says you are so focused on the straw in the other's eye, that you cannot see the beam in yours. 


So. I started writing this script with "I wish people pleasure because sometimes it is a little bit too much to wish thriving sex". And I was like, "Huh? Why is that? Why is it too much?" "Because it's inappropriate, you can't do that". "And why couldn't you do that?" "Because it's private". "But why couldn't you do that?" " Because it's an appropriate" spiral mode activated. 


This inner dialogue went back and forwards three to four times. Until I noticed... first "Hey, you're a sex coach. So if someone shouldn't feel weird about wishing people, thriving sex, that's, you. And if people get offended, you can just say "Sorry, so professional, but I can take it back if you want and wish you an unhappy sex life, mwahaha""... 


Second, there's something to deconstruct here. Like, why do I feel uncomfortable wishing my loved ones something that will make them feel amazing, like having a thriving sex life? I wouldn't do that with a boss. Although, maybe I could but... maybe being awkward is the first step to normalize a lot of things that are now ashamed and hidden in our society. So hey, why not wish people a thriving sex life? 


And at the same time, a part of me is like "Isn't wishing people thriving sex doing exactly the same that what happened to you with health?" First, because some people give actually zero fuck about sex. And that's their right. And you wishing them great sex shows that you consider it as a base that everyone wants. 


And second, I'm sure many people would want great sex and are truly unhappy with where they are. But wishing them great sex is just like showing them "Hey, you can have something amazing available and you don't have it..." Kind of what happened to me with epilepsy like "Hey, there is a thing that exists and it's called good health and you will never have it again because you have this medication". I'm not a hundred percent sure. I'm not overthinking things in here, just having all those thoughts at the same time regarding this topic. 


Furthermore, my only issue when I wish thriving sex and not pleasure is how all different types of pleasure are not included. When I say thriving sex, I don't talk about emotional pleasure. I don't talk about sensual pleasure. I don't talk about food pleasure, about the joy of pleasure. And I think it's very important to emphasize how we deserve more pleasure in our life overall. And not only sexual pleasure. Because when we start small with overall pleasure, especially sensual pleasure, then we can build the safety for our nervous system to slowly feel happy, alive, and comfortable with sexual pleasure. So now I'm stuck. Guess my fantastic four just became four and a half. I don't know, maybe not. As usual, if you want to hear more about reclaiming your pleasure when you don't know where you start, you have my ebook available in the show notes. And that will be all for the self-promo 





10:52 Joy 


The last Fantastic Four is joy. From any source. An amazing concert you went to where you felt truly happy, vibrant, and alive... or inner joy, sparkle, and fun, when you connect to all the parts of yourself at the same time, heal your inner child and really feel integrateD.. The joy that lifts you up because you love what you're doing at the moment. Allowing yourself to be silly, to let go of the heaviness and responsibilities that are not yours, the weight that is not yours to bear. Joy can have so many colors and they are all yours to experience. 


I think many of us deep down wish for more aliveness... And yet aliveness can be such a tricky feeling to explain and summarize. I had to record a whole episode around it to explain how it could feel from my perspective. It can be so fleeing. So wishing people aliveness will resonate with some people. And for others, they will be like, "huh? Where are you talking about?" Whereas joy speaks for itself. And people can put everything they want under joy. Mindfulness can be joy, flow can be joy, and love can be joy. With joy, your loved ones can get what they need, from your wish. 


I think, overall, our New Year wishes and resolutions can have the same trap. Focusing on the goal. Regarding the wishes, it will be the health, the money, the happiness. 


And let's acknowledge that these goals are amazing. And can be useful. And at the same time, they are vague and broad. And hard to achieve, either by you or the people you're wishing them. Whereas when you focus on the how : the energy, the creativity, the pleasure, and the joy. You share your trust in how your loved ones do things without assuming what they are doing. And let's put it that way. We could all use more ways of showing ourselves that we trust each other. And that we trust ourselves. 


hing you a beautiful sexified: 2024

already know what to do. It's: 2024