LL #1 : What to do when you want to puke when you see yourself in the mirror ?

Hi, everyone. Welcome to another episode. If you're new here. Welcome. And if you are already part of the sexyfiedfamily, welcome back.

Today, we're kicking a new series, short and sweet recorded love letters. Audio versions of the wisdom and nourishment, I share with people on my email list. Feel free to subscribe, if you haven't already, we have a lot of fun there. Fun fact, marketers tell you to send an email to your audience when the podcast episode is released. I'll do it the other way around and record an audio of what I write in my emails. Because why not? Maybe not all of them, we shall see. But I'm pretty excited to share it with you. 


Hi, everyone. 


Anyone navigating the "argh, I know, I'm supposed to love myself and yet, how am I supposed to do that?" Alternating between feeling like a failure because you know what to do, and yet it seems you can't do it. Or anger because "if that's easy, Why can I not do it? I'm a smart being". Or just wanting to quit because "all of this is bullshit." 


It turns out a lot of steps are missing on the self-love journey. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Because self-love is great, but when we don't talk about all the steps needed to get there... well, it can feel really foreign and unaccessible. Personally telling me "you should love yourself" when I wanted to puke in front of the mirror, every time I went into my bathroom, I was like, "Very helpful. Thank you." 


And the first step we should talk about is self-hate. 


Self hate may be very conscious verbalizing that you hate yourself for X, Y, or Z reasons. Or, it can be a little bit sneakier with tons of a mean voices in your head. You know, like the SM dungeon episode I keep talking about, because I love it. Or, self hate can also be just a pattern of avoiding any type of mirror. Any type of pictures. Or also saying no, when someone says you're beautiful today. "No, please". By the way, you know that saying no won't make them change their mind if they think you're beautiful. So why are you doing that? Just dropping that out there. 


The secret to stepping out of it? First, find one place that you don't hate or that you hate a little less. And no, I don't believe you hate every single part of your body. There has to be a part that you don't hate. Maybe just your heart keeping you alive. 


When you found it, breathe into it. Because let's face it, breath has a solution to a lot of problems. That's also the case for pleasure, but breath works great. 


The goal here? Find a supportive part of you for this process. And breathe into it. If you want, you can try to call your heart too. Feel it breathing with you in this process? Maybe connected to love. 


Even if it feels challenging, your heart loves you, because it's always with you. And if it didn't like you, it could just have decided to stop. Well, I know it doesn't work that way, but it feels good to think like that. So maybe connecting to love, to light, or any supportive energy that you need at the moment. 


Then bring this breath to a part of your body, you feel challenged by. Maybe it's your breasts. Maybe it's your belly. your vulva, your neck. Imagine this part of you is breathing too. Every single cell is breathing. Getting bigger on the inhale. And smaller on the exhale 


then add to this breath, some kind of touch. Maybe it's a gentle rub. A strong massage. Or gentle tapping. Extra bonus. If you use an oil that smells amazing. Activates more senses. One of the many reasons a spa time is relaxing is also because they use amazing oils and scents in the room. 


The goal here? Make this part of you feel seen and acknowledged. Nothing more. Just seen and heard.




If you want, you can add your voice to the mix by naming your body part. "This is my right breast. I have a vulva. I have a belly." 


And if you feel comfortable here and want to go deeper, you can start acknowledging that this part of you deserves to be here. Maybe whisper compliments to it. 


And listen inside here, is there anything coming up? And emotion, sensations, a feeling. And if nothing comes up, that's okay too. 


You wouldn't think a potential love interest is crazy not to go on a date with you right after you said hi, would you ? Even better, you would actually think this person is smart. Your body is smart and is the sexiest love interest. So give yourself the time to meet and discover each other. 


So don't give up. Keep doing the practice. Keep massaging and breathing, stroking and sounding. And most of all, allow anything that comes up to be expressed. Maybe it's a cry. Maybe it's punching in the air or moving your legs. Maybe it's an angry breath or a scream. Or nothing like that and just wise and beautiful stillness. Everything is welcome here. 


The first step to stop self-hate is to remind yourself you are whole. So kind of self-awareness. That you have a whole body made of beautiful body parts. And your beautiful mind would work even better if it was connected to every part of it. 


So, how does that relate to your sex life? 


So many of us have a weird relationship with our genitals, our fantasies, or lack of fantasies, to self-pleasure in general. Maybe disgust, maybe fear, maybe worry, maybe anger. In sometimes joy and pleasure too. Insert an Inside out GIF here, this movie is everything. 


Because we are human, it's way easier to disconnect, than acknowledge our own body disgusts us. Can you imagine how meta that is for a brain. Like, hating what you need to stay alive. Than acknowledge intimacy is terrifying... being seen? As if someone could really see me, like for real, with all the ugliness, no, no thanks.... Than acknowledge this world is twisted and we have the right to be angry, because we're constantly told whatever we do we will never be enough and we will never be a right. Of course, we have the right to get angry. 


And when we disconnect, we lose touch with parts of ourselves and our bodies. 


And we walk around wondering what is wrong with us. Why are we not feeling good, if any, if we quote unquote "have everything". Looking for parts of ourselves we used to have and don't have anymore. Random thought, maybe joy? We end up hating ourselves for not being happy. So we disconnect. And this cycle goes on and on and on and on 


How can you have a happy sex life when you don't feel at home within yourself?

When you lost touch with so many and so important parts of you. The answer is simple. You can't. Or at least I haven't met anyone who has. 


That's why the practice that we mentioned is so important. Because when you call back all the lost parts of yourself, You come home. When you come home, you create self-awareness. Which is the first step to letting go of self hate. There are others, but this love letter would be way too long if we talked about them in here.

Remember, Being alive is sexy.

Welcome to your sexyfied life


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