No, you're not selfish

Fanny solo: 00:00:34

Hello, my friends in LA come.

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Another love letter.

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No, you're not selfish.

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A few people in my life these

days, friends and coachees

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brought me an opportunity to

think about what being selfish is.

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So I did what I usually do, I had ideas.

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I started to write a script that

for some reason takes forever, so

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it might be two or three episodes.

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But I'm impatient and I

wanted to share some ideas.

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With you.

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So, no.

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You're not selfish.

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One thing to do something just

for yourself and for you to enjoy.

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Isn't selfish.

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It's believing you're worthy of

interest, worthy of time and energy.

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Saying no to something

that you don't want to do.

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Isn't selfish.

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It's self-respect.

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Allowing you to enjoy the

most of an experience.

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And absorb its juiciness and a lifeness

until the last drop isn't selfish.

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It's being smart.

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Because what would you enjoy

only half of something?

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Fanny solo: Wanting to speak up and

voice out dislikes and ask repeatedly

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and loudly for respect, isn't selfish.

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It's self-respect.

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This one is height.

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Receiving.

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Without having to give anything

back right away isn't selfish.

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It's letting people who

love you take care of you.

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And if some people give things

to you when they don't love you,

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that's their problem, not yours.

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You wanting to stop putting others

first all the time isn't selfish.

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That's called survival instinct.

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You having enough of giving your

time and energy to everybody

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all the time isn't selfish.

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It's called being smart because

you cannot pour from an empty cup.

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So you need to fill your cup.

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You enjoying the benefits of a

situation you have very little

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control over isn't selfish.

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It's called being smart.

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There are benefits.

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Why not take it?

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You wanting to exit a situation

maybe at work or something that

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sucks, even if people count on you or

people will suffer, is not selfish.

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It's called being smart, because why

would you do something that will hurt you.

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That's called self-preservation instinct.

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You're not responsible of how's society

is twisted and is putting us in this

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situation that somehow says this

self-preservation instinct is bad.

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That's sad.

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That sucks.

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But the best thing you can do is to

show the people around you that it's

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possible and that it should be the norm.

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And not wait until you get sick, break

your foot, have the car accident, have

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a loved one die to actually own that.

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You refusing to be put in the middle

of people who can't figure out their

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own relationship mess isn't selfish.

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It's called self preservation.

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Also it helps people evolve

and look at their own shit.

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So it's not selfish and

it's getting them a favor.

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A favor that may not be

comfortable, but it's a fever.

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You taking space to share

your emotions and stop sucking

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them all in isn't selfish.

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It creates opportunity for connections

and it can inspire others to stop sucking

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all of their emotions all in as well.

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Sometimes also it helps people become more

comfortable with other's emotions too.

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And we definitely need

more skillfulness in that.

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You wanting to experience

pleasure isn't selfish.

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It's your birthright.

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Do you remember orgasm Morgan?

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You having dreams and

desires, isn't selfish.

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It's honoring your life impulse.

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Remember desire is what creates

life, you know, sexual energy

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creating babies, et cetera.

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You stopping to pretend you're

okay when you're not is in selfish.

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It's stopping playing the

persona pretending game.

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You're doing everyone a favor by

showing you're a real human so that

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people can be human around you too.

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You allowing yourself to dream bigger,

even if you have a lot already.

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Isn't selfish.

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It's following expunsion impulses.

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You wouldn't ask a flower

not to bloom, would you?

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You keeping your answer of "no, I

am not doing that" when everybody

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wants you to change your mind because

X, Y, or Z reason isn't selfish.

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It is stopping putting

yourself last on the list.

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And that is very smart because if you put

yourself last on the list, guess what?

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Nobody will come and look at

the last part of your list.

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They already have a lot of shit

to deal with, with their own list.

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You wanting to feel more emotions

and step out of autopilot

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and numbness isn't selfish.

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It's reclaiming what should be the norm.

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Instead of these doom and

gloom ambiance around us.

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You wanting to spend money on yourself,

just for yourself and for you to enjoy

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whether it's a massage, a trip, coaching

or whatever you want isn't selfish.

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It's called expanding

your zone of tolerance.

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Because let's be honest, we need to expand

our zone of tolerance of good things too,

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And most of all, you allowing

yourself to shine isn't selfish.

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You accepting to shine isn't selfish.

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It's doing yourself a favor by

allowing your whole body, mind and

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spirit to function in a harmonious

way, instead of consuming your energy

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in maintaining tangled, societal

patterns, traumas, and mess around you.

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It's way easier to walk around with a pile

of bowls, fitting into each other instead

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of a pile of messy dishes of various

forms tangled with each other, isn't it.?

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Fanny solo: You wanting

a Lifegasm isn't selfish.

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You can have it.

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Just be aware of how Lifegasm also

includes facing your own shit, head first

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and not about being perfectly happy in

pure bliss and ecstasy 24 7, you're going

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to get disappointed if you want that.

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And also on a very basic level,

eating the last piece of chocolate if

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nobody wants chocolate, isn't selfish.

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Also, you can share chocolate, by the way.

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When did we decide self-respect,

self-preservation, basic needs honoring,

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and wanting aliveness is selfish?

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I'll say that again.

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When did we decide self-respect,

self-preservation, basic needs honoring,

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and wanting aliveness are selfish?

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It's time to change that.

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It's a flower selfish, if she blooms?

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Is she full of herself when

her colors shine bright?

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Is she harming anybody when she blooms?

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No.

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She's actually taking her part in

this particular garden symphony.

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Is a flower selfish when she

consumes oxygen, water and nutrients?

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After all she's consuming resources

other flowers could use, or animals.

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How dare she consume resources?

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But what happens to that

beautiful flower when she dies?

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She becomes compost Eden by warms

and she fertilizes the soil.

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So she has value too.

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If flowers could.

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not take what they need...

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What would happen if she did that?

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What would happen to that flower

who didn't honor her need or

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forbidding herself to bloom?

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What wouldx happen?

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She would be stunted, small, unhealthy.

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The garden will look like shit, but

also what would happen when she dies?

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She will bring, because she's so

small and stunned and unhealthy,

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less nutrients to the soil.

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With the societal conditioning, traumas,

patterns, aren't we all encouraged

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to take as little space as possible?

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Be quiet and be in service, but don't,

you dare take too much resources

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for yourself, put others firsts...

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What happens to a soil fertilized

by flower who didn't bloom?

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I'll let you think

about that for a second.

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And just in case that, well

then clear you are the flower.

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But Nope you don't need to be dead to

for generalized the world around you.

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When you allow yourself to receive,

to desire, to do what you want,

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to experience emotions, to say

"fuck that" when you've had enough.

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You show up differently in conversations.

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So you impact people differently.

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How would you feel in a

conversation where you have a

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great time with people you love?

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And another conversation with

people you really don't want to

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see but quote unquote "have to"..

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In which conversation will you be the

most present, the most available for

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listening, for giving amazing insights?

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So in honoring what you want,

spending this conversation with

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people you love, and quote on quote,

being selfish, even if you're not.

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You're doing others a favor to.

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You're A better person to

talk to in this conversation.

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Let's also acknowledge that

sometimes we have dinners, we don't

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want to attend and still have to.

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But we don't need to

go there all the time.

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By helping yourself,

you do others a favor.

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Period.

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And I know you are aware of which

types of situation this applies to.

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Respecting yourself.

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Isn't being an asshole, but

I'm sure you know that already.

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So, no.

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You're not selfish if you want the basic

self-respect, self-preservation, basic

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needs honoring, feeling of aliveness,

pleasure you are worthy of deserving,

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just because you are you as a human.

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With a fucking crown on your head,

lit because you're royalty by nature.

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No, you're not selfish.

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If you enjoyed this love letter, feel

free to read or listen to the others.

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The links are in the show notes.

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I can't wait to hear.

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What do you think about it?

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Thank you so much for sharing

your time and energy with me.

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And I'll see you.

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Next time.